2013 - Heart of the Mama

the one about gifts

December 15, 2013 /

It is no secret to those who know me well that I absolutely love the Christmas season. I sing Christmas songs year round, own two dozen Christmas CDs, have been known to start counting down in July, and I even dressed up as “Christmas” for Halloween in college.

It’s true.

I love it.

Having children only intensifies my love for the joyful season. Seeing their eyes sparkle in the glow of Christmas lights, watching my toddler hang ornaments tooclosetogether on our family tree, and partaking in advent activities makes me so happy.

However, as with all things, there is a downside (even to Christmas). For me, the downside is listening to all the people downplay (and even criticize) one of my favorite facets of the Christmas season.

Gift giving.

Perhaps you have already rolled your eyes. Maybe you’re thinking that I am a materialistic, consumeristic brat who loves counting her piles of presents on Christmas Day.

Or maybe I like to just buy and buy and buy and buy for my small children so that they can have more and more and more and more.

Those perceptions are entirely false.

People have different ideas and families have different traditions when it comes to giving Christmas gifts. Many argue that buying gifts takes away from the true meaning of Christmas. That it means the focus is not on the Reason for the Season– the birth of Jesus Christ. That giving gifts is not an expression of the love or admiration you have for your loved ones.

I would have to politely disagree with all of that.

I might argue that the Christmas season is actually very much about gifts.

Let’s start with the gift of Jesus Christ himself. God sent Jesus to us as the ultimate gift. To be a light in the world. To save us as sinners. To do God’s will. To be a demonstration of God’s love. To be the Savior of the World.

Upon the birth of Jesus, the wise men came bearing gifts suitable for a king– gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Not the most useful gifts to a new baby, but valuable and meaningful gifts nonetheless.

In this season, we bake cookies for the neighbors, exchange Secret Santa gifts at work, or pick out something small for a hardworking teacher.

In this season, we pluck ornaments off “Giving Trees” in church and school lobbies to make sure that less fortunate families have something to place under their own Christmas trees. We contribute money to red kettles under the watch of bell ringers outside of stores.

In this season, we come home to shoveled out driveways and sidewalks (like we did last night) and de-iced windshields in parking lots.

In this season, we give gifts.

In this season, it is permissible to provide gifts of edible goodies, humorously inappropriate gag gifts, $5 trinkets for that random gift exchange, and spare change to perfect strangers, but the idea of buying gifts for our own friends, family, and children is dismissed as greedy and materialistic.

Black Friday shoppers are perceived as animalistic, aggressive, consumerists who hate their families enough to leave them the day after Thanksgiving to shop.

Children who look forward to seeing what Santa brought them must be spoiled and ungrateful for what they already have.

Each year, we do hear of Black Friday horror stories. We see grown women beat each other up over Cabbage Patch Dolls and we hear of people being trampled in pursuit of a gaming system. This is ugly, and it is unfortunate that this happens.

But each year, when I go out on Black Friday with my mom, a tradition we have had for quite some time, I see groups of sisters checking family members off their lists, volunteers for organizations buying presents for needy children, and plenty of people showing lots of patience and Christmas cheer.

Each year, there are children who receive toys they won’t play with, expensive clothes they will just tear holes in, and too many things considering they already have too many things.

It does happen, but it doesn’t happen everywhere.

I grew up in a house that celebrated all aspects of Christmas. The decorating. The music. The gifts. The Reason. And despite the fact that my brother and I typically got our gift wishes fulfilled each year, I grew up with a true appreciation of Christmas as a whole, and I do not feel it made me a spoiled adult.

In fact, I learned from my parents that the true joy of gifts is in the giving and not the receiving.

I learned to listen as loved ones drop hints throughout the year. I learned to save money months ahead to avoid financial strain. I learned to take advantage of sales and coupons and to shop early to save big. I learned quality over quantity and that handmade gifts are extra special. I learned it is not about how much money you spent, but in how much thought you put into it.

So for me, my gift giving is an expression of love and admiration. It says I know you. It says I listen to you. It says I planned for you. It says I thought of you. It says I love you.

I plan to enjoy all the gifts of the Season, those wrapped and unwrapped. Those that fit in boxes and those sitting around the dinner table. Those that come in the form of cookies and shoveled driveways, and those that come from the hands who made them.

All of these gifts, in celebration of the greatest Gift of God’s Love.

Merry Christmas.

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the one about a place for the elves

December 12, 2013 /

You know it’s getting closer to Christmas when your Facebook newsfeed blows up with photos of precarious little red elves making snow angels in powdered sugar, canoodling with Barbies, and chillin’ in the family Christmas tree.

Yes, those elves are far from just sitting on shelves. Every Pinterest-worthy stunt the elf pulls taunts you as you side-stare your kid’s elf that hasn’t been moved in three days. Or maybe you don’t even own an Elf on the Shelf because 1) you’re afraid of failing at the art of Elfing or 2) you find it creepy and don’t like the look on its face. Maybe a combination of both.

The Elf on the Shelf seems to be quite polarizing (according to my scientific Facebook study). You either love it or you hate it.

Last year, we started the Elf on the Shelf tradition with Noelle. We read the book to her. We named him (Elfis). I looked at calendars on Pinterest with cute ideas for each day of December. We did a couple fun things with it– most notably, placing Elfis inside the freezer to “catch” Noelle sneaking ice cream bars while we were sleeping. It was all in good fun.

However, when this year rolled around, I felt a little bad about it for some reason. It seemed a little weird this year to tell her that Elfis was watching her for Santa. She’s another year older, and she asks questions now, and she’s trying to figure everything out in her little world. We already do Santa and the Easter Bunny. One more “character” seemed to just put it over the top (for me).

But because we started the tradition last year, she did ask about Elfis and his return. We couldn’t just forget about it and act like Elfis never happened. So, I went searching for ideas on how to incorporate the Elf on the Shelf into our daily December lives without going too far with it.

I came up with this idea. I printed off these little cards. Then I put each one in a tiny little envelope with a number 1-25 marked on it. Elfis would deliver a new card each day until Christmas, sometimes in a new “spot” in the house, and sometimes in the same “spot” as the day before. It wasn’t about Elfis sneaking around and spying on Noelle for Santa. It was about Elfis delivering a special card to Noelle each day.

On these cards, there were ideas for family fun, giving to others, or some sort of holiday-related activity. One day, we will make a gingerbread house together. Another day, we will give money to the Salvation Army bucket.

My favorite one so far was the one that said to have a family dance party. When we were done dancing around like fools in our living room, Luke and I looked at each other and said, “We need to do this more often.”

These little cards brought to us by the world’s creepiest elf are bringing us together in a month that is pure craziness. The whole family has enjoyed the activities. The best part is that Noelle is waking up each day, looking forward to a new card from Elfis, rather than simply trying to find where the elf is hiding.

Yes, we are still deceiving her by making her believe Elfis is bringing these cards each morning, but something tells me she knows it is us anyway.

Do what you want with your elf. I truly believe it is all for a good cause. You might even decide to put your elf to work on your spouse.

Like this…

… and this.

Hey, it’s worth a shot, right?

Whatever you do, have an elfin’ good time.

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the one about my love dare

December 6, 2013 /

Before I start, let me make one thing very clear– I absolutely, 110%, love my children all of the time. It is there, the love in my heart, at all hours, of every day, of every year I have known them. I loved my children before they were even physically real to me. I dreamt of their faces and loved them before they had names and voices and the best hair you ever did see.

I love being their mama. I love being home with them.

I luh all uh dat.

However, however, it is not always easy to put my love into action. What do I mean by this? I mean, when my daughter is screaming that I am the meanest mommy in the world and swinging her tiny fists at me, it is not always easy to show my love for her in that moment.

In fact, I have failed at that very thing over and over and over again. When she screams and yells and throws fits, I tend to take it personally. I engage in an argument with her. Sometimes, I blow up. I yell. I get angry. I feel like running away. Or drinking. Or running away and drinking.

My desire for the perfect family with perfectly behaved children in the most perfectly maintained home gets to the best of me in those times. When she’s pushing my buttons or yelling “no” to my every request or blatantly ignoring my attempts at disciplining her, I see all of that perfection going up in flames, and the loss of control breaks me.

I don’t think I can get more honest than this.

Her outbursts are typically short-lived, and my outbursts are easily tempered, but I know that there has to be a better way.

So, this week, I dared myself to love her. Like, really love her. To not only love her in my heart like I always have and always will, but to love her with my actions when she is doing her best to put me in the psych ward.

Starting Monday, when she screamed at me, I walked away. Yes, I did. I calmly said, “That is not a nice way to speak to me,” and I moved to another room. I didn’t engage with her. I didn’t even put her in timeout (don’t tell Super Nanny). I just walked away.

This. Helped. Me.

She calmed down. She didn’t have an audience to scream at. The first day, she just resumed her normal activities. By the third day, she apologized. Without being forced to. She just did it.

I was a mom she felt like apologizing to.

Since my frustration seemed to rest on the amount of control I was losing in these temper tantrums, simply walking away and taking a breather helped me to regain that control I had lost. All of the things I had tried before– timeouts, power struggles, lectures, loss of privileges, etc upon etc, had failed. This worked. This helped.

When she decided to push the envelope by challenging me in public (screaming at the top of her lungs at Target), I felt tempted to either bribe her or spank her. However, I simply stated to her, “I don’t know why you are yelling. Please stop yelling,” and proceeded to the checkout as fast as possible. People stared at me. A lady switched out of our checkout line in favor of a quieter one, but I didn’t care.

When I got in the car, I called my sister in law. Calling her helped me to ignore the screaming banshee in the backseat, and it allowed me to vent my frustrations without emotionally damaging my child. By the time our conversation was over, my daughter was calmed down, my blood pressure was back to normal, and I was able to speak calmly with her about why her actions were inappropriate.

You’re probably thinking, “Well, if your child is still screaming and disobeying you, clearly this strategy isn’t working either.” It might seem like that to you, but I can honestly say that the number of daily outbursts has been significantly reduced. Noticeably reduced. My husband has picked up on, too.

My calm demeanor in the midst of her tantrums reassures her that I love her no matter what. When she feels loved, she doesn’t act up (as much). When she feels safe, she doesn’t need to test her boundaries.

Now, if you’re thinking that what I have been doing is easy, please think again. Staying calm, walking away, choosing not to engage with her in the midst of a meltdown and deliberately loving her when it is hard is one of the most challenging things I have done as a mother.

Am I letting her get away with bad behavior? No, I don’t think so. Every child is different, and sometimes timeouts don’t work. My prayer is that the more I love her, deliberately love her, the less she will disrespect me as her mother, and the tantrums and outbursts will become fewer and farther between.

One week in, and they already have.

Not only have her meltdowns tapered, but the amount of love she is showing to others is what really has me staggering. She has spoken to strangers instead of coldly staring. She has played with her sister, offered us pieces of her meals, and today she sincerely hugged a classmate goodbye.

All things that had been rare findings before I dared to love her.

As she gets older, I’m sure we will adapt and change our approach to discipline, just as we have already in her short three years on Earth, but for now, love is working.

Love is enough.

Love works. It is life’s most powerful motivator and has far greater depth and meaning than most people realize. It always does what is best for others and can empower us to face the greatest of problems. We are born with a lifelong thirst for love. Our hearts desperately need it like our lungs need oxygen. Love changes our motivation for living. — excerpt from The Love Dare by Stephen and Alex Kendrick

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three for free – december printables

December 1, 2013 /

O, holy night.

I was confused about what month it actually was until I got on Facebook and saw 285 Elf on the Shelf pictures in my newsfeed. I’ve seen Sprinkles wrap the tree in toilet paper, Ho Ho spill the cereal, and Trixie bathe in mini marshmallows already.

Ah yes, it is December.

I feel like I was just launching this fun little three for free thing on November 1, and now an entire month has passed.

I hope you got some good use out of last month’s free printables. I’ve got some super fun ones below. As always, I have inspected the links and made sure that these printables do, in fact, still exist in the mysterious world of the Internet.

So sit back, sip your coffee, and get down wit yo downloads.

For the mamas…

1. I really enjoy the font choices of this frame-worthy printable. It’s cute and whimsical. From Bonjour and Hello.

2. I love the idea of a well-wrapped gift, but I hate spending lots of money on that stuff because it all just ends up in the trash, unless you’re one of those people who save the paper, tag, tape, tissue paper, bow, etc. More power to ya. Here are some great, printable gift tags. From lemon squeezy.

Download PDF File

3. I seriously scoured Pinterest for days looking for the perfect Christmas card organizer. This is something of great need to me because every year, I sit down and think, “Now who did we send one to last year?” So, after looking high and low for something cute to print and organize my card list, I decided to make my own! Print as many copies as you need, and then you can hole punch them and put them in a cute binder. From Heart of the Mama (duh).

For the kiddos…

1. I absolutely love this advent calendar idea. I think it is so cute! You have a fun, new idea centered around giving and family time each day. You could tuck these inside an advent calendar, put them in an envelope to open each day, or find another creative use for them. From Wendolonia.

2. I am a teacher, and I love getting practical, thoughtful gifts from my students. If your child’s teacher loves Starbucks (and if she/he doesn’t, who is this person teaching your child!?), I think this is an adorable way to package a gift card. From Millie Morgan Media.

3. I am obsessed with this idea. I think this is an awesome way to reward kids for good behavior all year long, but the cute holiday tie-in makes it all the better. I’m soooo doing this with Noelle. From My Sister’s Suitcase.

Aren’t you so excited to get printing this month?

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the one about bringing back the Christmas card

November 22, 2013 /

When my husband and I got married over six years ago, I wanted to send out the perfect Christmas card. It was the first one that we would be sending out together, and I wanted it to make the right impression. I wanted people to hang them on their fridges or smile and say, “How cute!”

I mounted a black and white wedding photo on two pieces of red and green card stock. I wrote a poem. It rhymed in perfect couplets. Oh yes, a thing of beauty.

They also cost me about $100 to make and mail. Ouch.

And despite their cuteness, I am sure they ended up in the bottom of about 40 trashcans of our family and friends.

Each year following, I have continued the tradition. I have done different things each year– more poems, expensive photo cards on heavy-weight card stock, handmade touches for that little something extra.

What is it about Christmas cards?

Most of us go nearly the entire year without sending one piece of mail otherwise, but when Christmas rolls around, we feel the need to wipe out our bank accounts for the perfect outfits for the perfect photo session with the perfect photographer to get the perfect photo of our perfect family and then put it on the perfect Christmas card and mail them out before the rush of the holidays…perfectly.

I have seen it firsthand as a photographer, and I have experienced it firsthand as mom. Each Fall, when we get our family photos taken, I always critically eye each image and find the one. I have to make sure I look beautiful, my girls look angelic, my husband looks macho, and we all look like the most blissfully happy family you have ever seen.

This year, we didn’t get family photos taken (not sure why?), and I have been struggling with whether or not I should mail Christmas cards this year. I have read up on alternatives, such as donating money to a charity in place of mailing the cards, posting a photo on Facebook and just tagging all your friends and family, or simply just moving on with life and forgetting about it all together. We could really save the money and do something more practical with it, I’m sure.

But a conversation with my husband changed my opinion about it. Usually the practical, sensical one in the marriage, I predicted him to give me a high five when I said I was thinking about scrapping the Christmas card idea this year, but his face turned soft and he said that we should still send them.

“It’s not about us. It’s about showing love to our friends and family. And I love seeing everyone else’s cards that they send us!”

It’s not about us.

So true.

Christmas cards are not about us or for us. They are for our loved ones.

The people we mail our cards to already know us. They know we don’t ~~always~~ ever dress in coordinated clothes or frolic lovingly in a grassy meadow with the most perfect golden sunset fading in the background.

They know that 6 out of the 7 days a week, my hair is in a pony tail and not meticulously curled. They know that I usually am rewearing the same jeans for the third day without washing them, and that my daughter’s socks never, ever match (she does that on purpose).

They know that wrangling toddlers is somewhat like bathing cats, so they know that the perfectly posed and still children in the photograph are being bribed, heavily, with trips to Disney World and ponies and Starbucks hot chocolate.

If they already know us, why am I spending so much energy trying to show them “who we are?”

I am also so guilty of writing lengthy poems or cutesy stories to highlight all of our accomplishments, vacations, big news, and “ta-das!” of the year. I have turned what should be the opportunity to wish someone else a Merry Christmas into a showcase of everything cool I have done over the past 12 months.

Again, our loved ones know us already. They know about our accomplishments and have already shared their congratulations. They know about our big news because they were there when we announced it. They have witnessed our “ta-das!” and seen the photos of our vacations.

Facebook does enough to make us feel like we aren’t doing anything with our lives compared to our News Feed. We don’t really need to be sending that kind of stuff through the mail under the disguise of a Christmas card, do we?

So let’s bring back the Christmas card.

Let’s spread love, joy, cheer, and well wishes to our loved ones by way of imperfectly perfect photos, personalized messages, and heartfelt greetings.

Let’s remind ourselves that receiving a piece of snail mail (that is not a bill) is one of life’s simple pleasures, and a sweet Christmas card can go a long way to brighten someone’s spirits.

Let’s make it less about us and more about them.

And if you do happen to write a poem or narrative about your year, make sure you keep it real. Mine would probably go like this:

Dear Family and Friends,

Wow! 2013 was one for the record books! We experienced so many great joys this year.

We went to South Carolina in June and Charlotte experienced the most epic diaper blow-out ever. It was so bad that we had to throw away the entire onesie. We also lost Noelle’s beloved stuffed animal for the entire week and I lost more sleep about that than I care to admit.

We took the girls to Disney World in July, and it was truly a wonderful trip. I won Mother of the Year when the lady at the airline counter needed to see Charlotte’s birth certificate in order to let her on the plane and I informed her that I hadn’t picked it up from the Health Department yet (she was 9 months old). I redeemed myself when I remembered to bring a scented diaper trash bag on the plane to keep everyone from smelling Noelle’s rancid Pull-Up the entire way to Orlando.

I am enjoying my days as a stay at home mom. I do a great job of washing the laundry, yet never folding it or putting away. I make great meals, but I rarely do the dishes in a timely manner. I still manage to fit in time for exercise, though! I think I have worked out about 9 times this entire year.

We have filled our days with fun family events, birthday parties, baptisms, and celebrations. I learned recently while at a birthday party for a friend that if you put a fork in Noelle’s cupcake, she will come unglued and scream as if you severed one of her limbs. Trust me…just don’t.

Luke went on a 10-day medical mission trip to Kenya. It was truly the highlight of his year. He did heroic acts like delivering a baby, helping a man who was nearly crushed by a van, and administering medication. While he was gone, I ate out for nearly every meal, never took the trash out, and killed our microwave.

Despite all of our ups and downs, our greatest joy is spending the holidays with our family and friends. We wish you all a very Merry Christmas and pray that you will be blessed in 2014.

Sincerely,

The Ernstbergers

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