the one about valentine's day

This one's for the men.
Don't worry. I don't say cervix at all.

Yesterday morning, I took my girls to Chick-Fil-A for nearly two hours so they could play in the tunnels and slide. Two hours.

While I watched them play, I noticed a sign on the door with information about making Valentine's Day reservations at Chick-Fil-A for $20 per couple. At first, I scoffed. Who would want to spend Valentine's Day here? I thought.

Then, the more I looked at it (for two hours), the more I started to think that it might not be such a bad idea. I do love a good chicken sandwich, and perhaps I would actually enjoy eating it without worrying about opening ketchup packets for Noelle or cutting Charlotte's nuggets into unchokable bites. I could probably just wear my stretch leggings instead of trying to look "nice" (whatever that is anymore).

And then it hit me. My thoughts on Valentine's Day (and many other things) have drastically changed since becoming a mom.

First, let me make all the disclaimers.
1. I know Valentine's Day is only one day a year and we should show love the other 364. 
2. I know that it is a marketing scheme to get people to spend lots of money.
3. I know my husband loves me, regardless of what he does for me on Valentine's Day.

Now, let me say that I actually enjoy Valentine's Day. I like dressing my girls in pink and red and hearts. I like finding sweet things to remind them they are loved. I enjoy planning something fun and special to do with or for my husband. And...I don't turn down gifts on Valentine's Day, either.

But let's talk about those gifts. Traditionally, flowers, chocolates, and stuffed teddy bears are given to women by their well-intentioned significant others. There is practically a fool-proof setup in every store. Walk in 20 feet and boom. Flowers and fluffy bears and pink shit galore.

Those things are nice and all…but that's not what I nor probably millions of other women want this year. Those things just sound like a lot of work to a mama of three.

Flowers? Just something else I have to keep alive. I can barely remember to drink enough water myself, let alone give some to a vase of flowers. And most flowers come with "plant food." Really? That's just pushing it.

Chocolate. Chocolate? CHOCOLATE? Don't you know that I am trying to lose this baby (and baby before that baby, and baby before that baby) weight? Giving me chocolate only gives me an intense moral dilemma. To eat the chocolate all at once and pretend it never happened, or to eat the chocolate all at once, log it into My Fitness Pal, and be told I can't eat for the next 3 days. My mind simply cannot handle it.

Teddy bears? I almost can't say it with a straight face. Do you see how many teddy bears we already own? Not only teddy bears, but stuffed cats, ducks, frogs, monkeys, ladybugs, puppies, etcetera upon etcetera upon etcetera. Not happening.

So what do mamas like me want for Valentine's Day? Look no further, as I have created some handy coupons for you to print off and present to your special lady.



Thank me later. And really, I was just kidding about the chocolate. 

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